One Survivors Request Sent to Dr. Phil~ Blog from his Mother

Hi Rachel:

I'm so thrilled that 10 years after my baby was shaken, to once again find
the strength and courage to continue my outreach and fight for justice, and
happy to have found your site!

I have written to Dr. Phil - and I HOPE and PRAY I get the chance to be on
his show and go public to millions. I'd like to share with you my letter,
and perhaps I share my story on your site. It's a long letter, but....as
we all know, it's a LONG journey.

I have copied this email to my personal email address, if you don't mind
replying to all, so I can be sure to get your response both at work on at
home.

(See attached file: Dear Dr Phil v9.doc)

(See attached file: Brain Surgery.jpg) (See attached file: Agent Headshot
Sheet.pdf)

God Bless YOU and the awesome work you do!!!!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
CATHERINE PAOUR



Dear Dr. Phil,

My son and I need your help. I’ve thought about writing you so many times. I have never missed a show since day one, and I have learned so much about dealing with my life through your teachings. I’ve watched shows and thought, “God, I should be on that show” such as wrongfully accused, how the system failed, DCFS, PTSD, trust issues, schools systems, the child advocate -- the list goes on and on. I might add that I just adore Robin. I read her book Inside My Heart and it just strengthened my 10-year desire to share my story and further define my purpose as Trevor’s mother and his best advocate.

My son Trevor is turning 11 years old the end of the month. He is a very charismatic, vivacious, fun-loving, spirited “tween”. He’s quite social, he considers himself “half and half popular” at school, good looking and athletic. He leads a life full of abundance: family, friends, prayer, vacations, home life, “things”, pets, church, outings, talent -- you name it. He excels in so many things. He has a real gift for drawing and a passion for acting (hoping to be on TV and has a talent manager and agent). He’s been in cub scouts, YMCA, is learning Taekwondo, loves pop music from young stars and I afford him many opportunities. Trevor is a funny, happy-go-lucky joy in the lives of many that he has touched. He’s compassionate and a real sweetheart. Here’s the problem:

Trevor was a victim of SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME at the age of 4 months. The past few years, as he continues to develop and mature, issues continue to emerge. At this age, he is now able articulate how he feels as well as how he feels others treat him. He has suffered from severe chronic cluster migraines, abdominal cluster migraines (I had never heard of those), and jaw, mouth and neck pain. He’s had muscle spasms, tingling and numbness. He suffers from depression, anxiety, stress, fear, anger, rage, mood swings and obesity. He has had insomnia and racing thoughts. He is hyper-sensitive to people or things that annoy him and can become very emotional. One little thing can cause him to immediately sink real low. His feelings get hurt very easily. He sometimes has low self-esteem, other times has a great opinion of himself. He gets very depressed when he’s physically or emotionally hurting, yet sometimes can tough it out in good spirits. He has in the past, talked to a doctor about hurting himself. He’s complained of “out of body” experiences since 2nd grade. He’s expressed feeling like someone else sometimes controls his mind. He complained for several years about a feeling of a blackout – when he momentarily doesn’t know what happened. He would overheat and feel weak, or be freezing and trembling. He has vision issues from the retinal hemorrhaging. He has huge trust issues with people in authority (I don’t blame him). He’s figured out that someone almost killed him, and he doesn’t trust anyone but me (which is hard on me). It hurts to sometimes see him be disrespectful and defiant to those he should be respecting. He’s questioned his self worth. He’s not violent, and is always remorseful when his behavior crosses a line. He cries and says he doesn’t want to be that way, but says he can’t help it and doesn’t know why. Each step along his journey, he learns more about his injuries and what happened, and the more it pisses him off and he wants to hurt the person who hurt him. Or anyone else who pisses him off. To add more to his “slate of who he is”, he’s had to deal with numerous life changes, but I’ve done a fabulous job with him, and I’m dang proud of it. I know him better than the back of my hand. He is high maintenance, but the one thing that holds him together and keeps him going is my love for him and my perseverance to never ever give up on him. And I will protect and defend him till the day I die. And he knows that. The good news is, he’s maturing, and doing a lot better emotionally this past year, thank God.

I have been very proactive and persistent in seeking answers, help and relief for Trevor especially over the last few years as he’s been in elementary school. I have consulted with an army of doctors, who in my opinion only scratch the surface without looking outside the box, medicate him and send him on his way. He missed 30 days of school last year with debilitating symptoms, and the school put us all through hell. I’m strong for him, yet exhausted and desperate for some relief. Sometimes, all I want is to justify his being alive and hope people will be more compassionate to his sensitivities. My perception is that people seem to not believe that he is in pain, whether emotionally or physically, and he and I have been accused of lying. That’s eating away at both of us.

My main reason for writing is for my son. I’m desperate to get him the attention he needs to really connect the dots and get some answers before he enters his teen years. My hope is that Dr. Phil can make me feel assured that I’m doing the right thing in the best interest of my son, or tell me if I’m not. I pray every day for some revelation or new resources to help Trevor. I need to understand more about his brain, and he’s ready to learn more too. Are his injuries at 4 months affecting his life now, or is everything Trevor experiences a fabricated story or psychosomatic (as some people think)? I would love to meet Dr. Lawless and the Neuroplasticity Center. And if I ever make it to Texas, to pay a visit to the Shaken Baby Alliance, who was there for me during those first few weeks of him being shaken when our lives took a traumatic and dramatic turn for the worse.

My second reason in asking for your help is for me. I suffer everyday with PTSD. I was falsely accused for inflicting this abuse on Trevor, and the system FAILED me. Details on that is further down in this letter. It’s hard for me to deal with school harassment and bureaucracy, and even still living in my same house just blocks from the daycare provider’s home. I’m triggered just seeing an ambulance during rush hour traffic, or a 4-month-old baby. Although I am usually an open book, I’ve been stuffing my feelings for 10 years now, and I can’t do it anymore. People commend me for being strong, happy and a great mom to Trevor. But someone touches a sensitive subject and I’m defensive, and weakened to tears. I’m sick of always feeling like I have to justify Trevor’s or my actions. I had to overcome the ultimate unthinkable blow to my motherhood, and I’m not going to let policy, bureaucracy or insensitive people take me down again. I’m always seeking ways to continue to lead a full and productive life, and be the best influence on my son as I can possibly be. I continually face walls of adversity, both his and mine, and perceived judgment from others on how I handle things with Trevor. But the bottom line is this: I don’t know what really happened to Trevor on December 2, 1999 when he was abused, since the daycare and her family didn’t have to say a word in court. I don’t know what ever happened to the daycare provider, if anything, and I honestly don’t even know that she’s the one who did it -- it could have been her husband or anyone else in that home. All I do know, is it happened while in her care; and Community Care Licensing did nothing. I know that the State put me through pure hell, and what’s going on with Trevor today is REAL. I’m seriously troubled with the thought that the daycare provider who did this to Trevor is still out there, free and clear. They were able to walk away and move on with their lives with no questions asked. We recently found the daycare provider on Facebook with a Masters in Education, and her husband a Sacramento Police Officer. Undoubtedly, both are still working with children. WHAT is wrong with our system??????

Hopefully, continuing to share my story we can uncover some answers to this mystery and save the life of an innocent child in doing so.

I know this is a long letter. I can’t help it. You can stop here, but I hope you’ll have time to read on to see how this story began.
=============================================================

Go back 10 years. I returned to work after staying home with Trevor for 3 months. I worked for 19 years in Public Relations/Foundation for a local medical center. I dropped Trevor off at the licensed daycare provider’s home at 7:30 am, and spent the day working a holiday hospital fundraiser, which included escorting children through a festival of trees and visit with Santa Claus (who happened to be the daycare provider’s grandfather). When I got off work, I went to go pick Trevor up around 4:45 pm. As I approached the daycare provider’s home, I noticed an ambulance out front, which only caused some concern, since the daycare provider’s husband was an ambulance driver. As I quickly approached the porch, I heard, “There she is now.” I arrived to find my son unconscious. The paramedics put him on my lap, onto the gurney and flew out the door back to the hospital where I work after signing a release in case Trevor were to pass before arriving at the hospital. It was the worst ride of my life, and I had no idea at that time it would be a life sentence from that day forward. With a life-threatening situation on the ER’s hands, and thanks to a quick CT scan identifying the hemorrhaging, they quickly transported him to a children’s hospital, better equipped to handle pediatric trauma. My hospital co-workers comforted me while I couldn’t help but fear the worst.

About 4 hours later, it was determined that Trevor suffered severe brain hemorrhaging and retinal hemorrhaging. He had seizures and gaze paralysis. His outlook seemed grim. Doctors were aloof. His father and I had no clue what was wrong with Trevor or what was going on. He was in PICU for 10 days, while eventually we learned that his diagnosis was Shaken Baby Syndrome, or “non accidental trauma”. Or in terms that most people understand: CHILD ABUSE.

It makes sense that it happened while in her care. I dropped Trevor off around 7:30 am, and picked him up at 4:45. BUT, 4 days later, Children Services quickly detained him, and charged me and my husband with child abuse. We could no longer see him in the hospital, didn’t know if he would survive, and couldn’t even be with him when our pastor came to pray for him. While we wanted to do everything we could to get to the truth and find out what happened, we were advised to have no contact with the daycare provider, and our focus had to be on defending ourselves at this point, and I’m talking immediately. After 10 days, he was released from the hospital, and I worked my tail off to get my parents guardianship over my baby, rather than going to a foster home. We went 4 months without my child in my home, with only supervised visitations. Meanwhile, the State of California slammed us with count after count, up to and including permanent removal of parental rights – twice! As court proceedings continued on for 4 months, we also had to try to keep our jobs and highly visible positions in the community, without being a PR risk. We had tons of support, but some people did have strange reactions, which I guess is normal for someone accused of such a hideous crime. We struggled to keep our marriage together while Trevor lived with my parents, come up with finances for extensive legal and medical bills, and endure Trevor 1st Christmas – with out him. As the New Year 2000 came, he still wasn’t home, and they put him on MediCal, and wouldn’t even let me be with him for his brain surgery.

The agony continued as DCS demanded we take parenting classes, an anger management program, and presented us with some despicable “offer”, or in our case, what seemed like blackmail. They even conducted an adoption assessment on him - ready to throw him right into the system. This was right on the heels of President Clinton signing a bill to fund quicker adoptions. Their attempt to rip my baby right out of our loving arms was beyond anyone’s wildest imagination. No one could understand. Not even the Doctors, nursing staff, hospital social worker, therapists, and in some cases, DCFS own case workers. The whole situation spiraled so far out of control and all we were ever told by DCFS was “were just following protocol”. We went through countless case workers, and not one single one believed we had anything to do with injuring Trevor. This all came out in the trial as well.

Everyone would ask: “What happened to HER” – the daycare provider? Well, she took the 5th amendment in the trial against us. And then she and her family were long gone. Up and moved. They rented their house in our neighborhood – and now they were gone.

We somehow managed, through the grace of God and a ton of legal fees and medical bills, to prevail, and we got our baby back. The judge in our trial heard not one shred of evidence that would lead anyone to believe we were responsible for his injuries. We never even had to present our side, we only went on the stand for the prosecution. After the state presented their side, the case was dismissed. The judge declared the trial over after 4 months of hearing about the daycare provider’s deception, and after the medical testimony of the treating Neurologist, and my pediatrician who testified that the “mother walks on water”. Anyone in their right mind would look at and say “we have to go after that woman; we have to know what happened to this baby. And we have to make sure she is never around anyone else’s children again.” Nope. Not one darn thing was done to her that I know of anyway. But our focus had to be on our family, and reestablishing a bond with Trevor, who missed out on critical attachment to his mother for those first 4 months.

Thankfully, Trevor wasn’t blind, as we were told he might be, but later learned he was considered legally blind his right eye. He had no broken bones, and no one really paid much attention to his neck. His seizures were managed, and the shunt in his brain help resolved the internal bleeding. He had no visible evidence of his injuries except a shaved head from his brain surgery and residual effects of his brain damage. He was living with my parents, and progressing well. Unlike my marriage!

A year or so later, we tried to file a civil suit against her. Couldn’t do it. We reached out to several legislators, and finally authored a law, Senate Bill 819, (2001). This law was not in place for us, so we were basically SOL in taking any action against her.
My husband and I were invited to speak at the International Child Abuse Conference – not about our baby, or shaken baby, but on the topic of “WHAT WENT WRONG”.
(I have it on video tape.) My attorney then became advocates for finding out what happens to us now that all charges have been completely dropped, but we still appear on the National Child Abuse Index. As far as I know, I’m still on it today. I began sharing my story with local Kiwanis, Rotary, Jaycees, and everyone that would listen. This was a real-life story that took place in our neighborhood, not something you only see in a Lifetime TV Movie (although I’d like to write one!). My husband was a little more private so I tried to move on with our lives. And my child was my number one priority.

Another year later, Trevor’s father, with no notice or warning, left the marriage and our home. I have been raising Trevor alone ever since. I made certain our divorce was amicable, (even though I didn’t want to, the way he left) and Trevor continued to see his father. Don’t get me wrong, his father had NOTHING to do with this. The evidence presented in our trial so clearly points to the daycare provider.

So here we are today. Trevor suffers a little more and more as he continues to develop and his body grows. I sense that the countless number of medical professionals that Trevor has seen in recent years just can’t see beyond their specialty, or make sense of what’s really going on with Trevor. We go from one to the next with no coordinated effort at all, except my endless quest for someone to look at the whole person.

Call it mother’s instinct. I know my son so well. There is something going on with him, outside of sometimes lacking coping skills, being raised in a single-parent home, having severe headaches, or being labeled with a “mood disorder”. There have also been accusations, especially in the past few years, of him making up his illnesses to manipulate me, me babying him, and him getting away not going to school. I have worked hard and I think have bridged all those gaps, and continue to have an army of support. I have a 504 plan in place for school, I have an attorney and personal advisor to help me deal with the school and their insane systems and approach to dealing with Trevor’s ails and medical absences. I’ve been in therapy to help me deal with the PTSD. I have family support, however some don’t live it like me and my parents do. I had to eventually leave the hospital after 19 years, which ended in the oddest of circumstances, but I currently have an awesome job, with tremendous support, and I am working to pursue my goal of sooner rather than later moving out of my neighborhood and starting to make new refreshing memories for me and my son, closer to my parents, his school and friends. While I feel ever so blessed to own my home, it’s a house with some pretty awful memories, some “defining moments” and it’s too close to “her” house. Both Trevor and I feel the need to move on.

I was pretty organized during all these years – and am the document queen. I have every letter, report, film, transcript, record of conversations, above and beyond, which proved in my case to serve me well. Your producers would love this one. I hope that someday, I can get the chance to tell my story to all the moms out there: what’s possible in your own backyard, how the system failed me and my child. And once again stand up for the rights of a child, who now is old enough to have a voice. I sure wish he did back then. And maybe we can save another child from the perpetrator. And who knows, maybe Trevor’s dream to be on TV will come true after all!

Regards, and from deep “inside my heart”,

Catherine

Remembering Ricky Poore Jr.

Thomas "Chase" Sullivan SBS Survivor

Two months after my beautiful twin boys were born...one of my sons was shaken by a family member. I was told he would be a vegetable for life, he would never talk or walk & he would stay in the curled up fetal position for life. I was completely devastated the day I was told this. I was in shock...showing no emotion and the doctors continue to ask me if I heard what they said! I then said, "Yes, I understand." As I walked out of the hospital, I took my 6mn old twin boys & placed them in their car seats. As I closed the car door it hit me like a load of bricks! The sky laterally turned black...it began to rain with a vengeance...and I looked up to Heaven screaming and crying, "Why God, why"! Almost 11 years later I still deal with the pain and anger daily. The court system failed us and the perpetrator never served a day in jail.

My son Chase has brought us so much joy and taught us what true unconditional love is. Chase has over come obstacles his doctors said he would never do. He is not on a feeding tube, he is barley drooling now, he is walking with AFO leg braces and he does have a range of communication skills. We have come so far in our journey and we still have more to accomplish. I take each day by day with the courage I get from both my children.
There are two ways to live your life...One as though nothing is a miracle...The other as though everything is a miracle. At first glance my son now seems to not have any impairments but, soon you do come to realize his special needs. Chase is 300% better than the doctors said he would ever be. This is by the grace of God & years of therapy. We still have a long way to go, but each day just proves to me what I should really be thankful for! I was very blessed with having twins. My other son (big brother by 1 minuet) takes his role very seriously. He is a loving caregiver even at his young age. I know God gave me Twin Angels so they can take care of each other when I’m gone. Even though we may not understand the paths we must take in life God does. He knows what we need to go through & he knows who to put there to help us get over the obstacles. Be sure to stop and think about what you and your family really needs to live a productive and happy life. Never complain about being busing taking your kids to events because you never know when it all could be taken from you. Live for every moment and love every second God gives you with your children. Protect, Nurture, Love & Teach all children with their abilities & disabilities.

Thank you,
Christine Kunclrs

~Seraphina's Story~

I am 21 yrs old and a mother of 2. My oldest will be 2 August 24. My youngest will be 1 August 11. My oldest name is Seraphina. She is blind and disabled due to child abuse. My little angel was 6 months old when she was beaten for the last time. She was living with her father and his girlfriend while we were undergoing a custody battle. I knew there was abuse going on in the home and I contacted the police and Department of Child services and they did nothing. I was even prepared to kidnap her but they never let her out of the home where I could get to her. After she was taken the from them the last time we heard about the abuse she endured. She wasn't allowed to eat when she was hungry if she didnt eat fast. She wasn't allowed to sleep unless on their schedule. She was spanked, slapped and, put in time out beginning at 1 month old. She even had her hands safety pinned behind her back so she wouldn't get out of a swaddle at night. Once there was a police report made when they took her to the ER because she was pooping blood. The Drs noticed that Sera had handprint bruises on her stomach. She was squeezed so hard that it cause bruises. Even after that and another incident of a black eye she was not taken from the home. The last time she was abused was on February 18, 2009. Her father's girlfriend, Alicia, was home alone with Sera and her own daughter who was a newborn. She had gotten angry with Sera becuase she was whiney and took her into her room and holding her around her waist, swung her back and forth beating her head against her own crib. She did this several times and than threw her into her crib so hard she hit her head yet again off the other side. Sera went into shock and started choking yet Alicia just turned up the music in the room and left shutting the door behind her. She told police later that she thought she killed her. By the time her father got home Alicia had went in to the room and picked up Sera and was holding her as she siezed and choked in her arms. Alicia claimed she couldn't find the phone, but her father was able to find the phone right away. He called 911 and an abulance came and picked her up. The parametic on the ambluance did a quick assesment on her and said that on a scale from 3-15 Sera was an 8. She was not responding to anything but more pain and even then all she could do was wimper. Once they got her on the way to the hospital they needed to get her on some pain medication. Because Sera was so stiff they had to take a corkscrew like tool and put an IV into her bone marrow. Finally they were able to get her on morphine and she started to relax.
Meanwhile, I was pregnant with my second child. I was not feeling well. Not having a clue what was happening to my baby, I went to the ER to make sure everything was OK with the way I was feeling. When I got there and was getting ready to be checked in, my daughter had arrived. The Dr came to me and asked me if I brought a baby with me. I told him no and realized they were talking about my daughter. They escorted me and my fiance to a family waiting room and told us that my daughter had been dropped when being put into her crib (that was Alicia's story at the time). After a few tests the Drs knew that the damage done to my daughter was not an accident. That is when the interogations started. They told me I was not allowed to see my daughter. They also gave me the worst news a mother could hear. They told me that the damage done to my baby was to severe and that she would't make it through the night. She was still seizing, had a skull fracture, a bleed in her brain, detacted retinas, a clot in her brain, along with bruises all over her. I could do nothing but sob as my heart broke. The only thing that kept me going was the child that was growing inside me. They sent me home after what seemed like an eternity of trying to calm me down. That night was so tramatizing I dont remember much of it. The next day I called the hospital and my baby was still alive. I was finally oked to see her and stay with her that afternoon. The first time I saw her my heart broke all over again. She was laying in the white barred crib that looked like a miniture prison cell. She had wires connected every where on her little body. Gauze covered her head to keep the electrodes on her head and a splint on her arm to keep her from knocking out IV's. She laid there lifelss. If it wasn't for the machines saying she was alive I wouldn't have believed them. She looked like she was terrified to move.
The next few days she was back and forth from the ped's unit to the Intensive care unit. Her siezures would come and go. She was put on several meds to keep her from seizing. They had to keep her tired so she wouldn't get worked up. After the 10th day. I decided to go home that night to get some rest so I wouldn't hurt the child I was carrying. The next day I came up to the hospital to see Sera and we were informed that she was placed in a foster home. I was devestated. We went to the DFS office to try and fight to get her back, but all they could tell me is that they "suggested I sign my rights over because I couldn't handle all the challages of raising a child as special as Sera". She was never going to walk or stand or see. They told me that she was going to be in diapers for the rest of her life and would never speak. Even hearing all that I knew I had to get my daughter back. After 5 months of jumping through hoop after hoop and going to visits and classes. I finally "earned" the right to have my daughter back.
Ever since, we have been working with her constently to make sure that she lives to the best of her abilities. She is in Physical Therapy, Oral/Speech Therapy, Disabilty Services, and School for the Deaf and Blind. With all the services she is in, she has learned to stand on her own. She is starting to walk. Is learning sign language, and says a few words. She is on seizure medication. And is learning how to use her other senses to make up for the loss of her vision. We have come a long way. But as we are going on we have more trials that keep coming up. We have just recently found out that there still is a chance of brain deteoriation and that her life span has all ready been shortened. We are now in the process of finding a Dr who is willing to help us find the aswers we need to help her.
Also because of the stress I endured during the tramatic event my daughter underwent, my youngest little girl, Emilie, is also having problems. She was born 5 weeks early and we have had many tests done on her. She has calcium deposits in her brain, she favors one side more that the other, (although not as much anymore), she had tortiulis in her neck which cause a misshappen head, and she was very slow to reach her milestones. We are also having those things looked into by a Dr in Seattle.
We just ended our trial against Alcia Hocter for all the pain she has caused our family. She was found guilty of Aggravated Asault and Criminal Endangermant. Finally after 1 yr and 4 mo she will be sentenced on July 14, 2010. In that period of time she has been out of jail she has had another child and gotten engaged to a registered sex offender. She is looking at a sentence of 30 yrs at the most. In order to ensure she gets the full sentence I need to collect letters stating to the judge that this shouldn't be tolerated and asking that he shows her no mercy as she has shown none so sweet Seraphina. If you are interested in writing one please let me know.
Even with all of this we still manage to find happiness in every little thing my girls accomplish. Sera's father has signed over his rights to her and Will, my fiance, will adopt her right after we are married on July 24, 2010. At that point we will finally be a family. We will be faced with struggles every day and new trials will always arise, but someone was watching over my little girl that day as well as my youngest the day she was born. They are meant to be here and will achieve what they are meant to. God(or whomever is up there) has only taken from my babies what they don't need to fufill there reason they are on this earth. I have confidence that they are being closly watched and protected in there life here.
If you are intersted in keeping up with my daughter's story you can join our page and fight against child abuse. Seraphina's page is on facebook~

*Update* To read about the justice served please CLICK HERE*

Written by Kendra, Seraphina's Mother

Joseph "Billy" Williams

Joseph "Billy" Williams, was born August 5, 2001 into what seemed to be a loving family with a Mom, Dad and my big sister Annie, All seemed proud to have me in their life. My big sister couldn't wait for Mommy to come home with me and when we came home, My dad couldn't take me out of the car seat fast enough for her to hold me. My life changed just a few short weeks later... Both my Mommy and my Granny suspected something was wrong but I never bruised, I never lost conciseness. There was no tell signs that I was abused, then on Nov. 3rd 2001 my mommy was able to take me in to get looked at only to her surprise they found that I had 4 broken ribs that were almost healed and some brain trauma. This broke my mommy's and my Granny's heart. I still don't understand how my own Dad could have done this to me, he was supposed to protect me not hurt me. My mommy and Granny spent the next several years trying to help me through my physical challenges. I'm now nearly 8 and I'm doing things that the doctors said Id never be able to do. I can run, jump write my name, I can even play on the monkey bars now. My mommy and Granny are SO happy of my progress. My Dad never had any charges pressed against him, which I know upset my family but my Mommy made sure that he could never hurt me again or hurt my big sister. I never want any other family to have go through what my family when through, SO please I beg with you all Never hurt a child!

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~Survivor Tyler Wade Gruhler~

The date was March 15th, 2008. The place, a small apartment in Orlando, FL. A young couple and their 2 children were finally achieving one of their dreams, and had just moved out on their own. Things were looking up for them, and never had the couple been more in love. Waking up in the mornings to an innocent 3 month old boy, Tyler, and his older brother, William, and to the strength of each other's love was an amazing experience. Tristin, the mother, had found a decent paying job working overnights at a local gas station. Robert, the Father, wasn't having much luck in the job department, having left his last job within days of Tyler being born. It was decided that Daddy would watch the boys at night while Mommy worked, then he would go job hunting after Mommy had made breakfast everyday. Things worked out well that way for about 5 weeks.
One night while Tristin was at work, Robert called, clearly frustrated by the baby crying. Tristin offered to come home early, with permission from her manager. Robert refused her, saying they needed her paycheck, and he was fine. Tristin advised him to leave Tyler in the crib and to go outside to smoke a cigarette. William was already asleep, undisturbed by his brother's tears. Robert hung up, seemingly more relaxed. Then he called back, to say goodnight, the baby was asleep. Tristin went about her shift, answering the phone when it rang again at about 5:15 AM. It was Robert again, but Tristin knew the moment she picked up that phone that something was wrong
"Its Tyler, its the baby!" sobbed Robert
"What's wrong?" asked Tristin, thinking maybe he had woken again and that Robert was exhausted.
"He isn't breathing, and he is shaking, twitching. I don't know what's wrong!"
"call 911, now! I'll be right there!"
Tristin's and her co worker jumped on his motorcycle and made it to the apartment in about 3 minutes, where they found Robert holding a very still Tyler in the doorway. Tristin ran and reached for the baby, taking him into her arms and calling his name over and over.
"where is the ambulance?" she cried, panic stricken and horrified at her child unmoving in her arms
"I'll call them now" Robert replied, turning away. Tristin began moving Tyler's arms, calling to him as she did so. Finally, he issued a thin cry, and began twitching in her arms. Tristin sobbed as the ambulance's red lights washed over her. The paramedics rushed in and took charge. "what happened?" one asked her. Tristin looked to Robert. "He fell off of the changing table and hit his head on the tile floor"
Tristin and Tyler were hustled into the ambulance, leaving Robert with William until their friend could arrive.
Once at the hospital, everything was in slow motion, Tristin watching her child struggle to breathe, to cry. She kept thinking "how does a fall do THIS? how did it cause so much damage?"
The answer came a few days later. Tristin went to the hospital to visit her son, who was in an induced coma, and was intercepted by a detective and a protective services agent. They questioned her about her activities on the day of the accident. When they seemed satisfied by her responses, they finally broke the news to her that Tyler was showing all of the symptoms of SBS. Tristin's whole world shattered at that moment. She hadn't hurt Tyler. There was only one other person who could have.
The detective offered her a ride home, and she walked, zombie-like into the apartment, staring at Robert as though seeing him for the first time. "what happened?" he asked, startled at her appearance. Tristin stared at him "They found something, didn't they?" asked Robert, suddenly pale. Tristin stood aside and allowed the detective to enter the room. Robert submitted to questioning, Tristin held his hand, praying it wasn't true, praying it was all a misunderstanding.
It wasn't. Robert confessed to shaking Tyler "rather aggressively" twice and to dropping him onto their bed from about 6 inches high.
Since the detective and protective services couldn't prove that Tristin hadn't known about this, and since her alibi wasn't proven, they removed both children from her custody, as well as Roberts, placing Tyler in medical foster care, and William with his biological Dad, someone William had never even met in his life.
It took 2 weeks for them to arrest Robert, and another week after that Tristin finally got to see her son's again. Since Tyler was in such poor shape, the medical family kept him until Tristin could complete a case plan and comply with DCF's wishes that she take parenting, anger management and counseling. 6 months all together passed before the children were returned to Tristin.
Within the 6 months, Tyler showed significant steps towards recovery, crawling and babbling. He took his first steps weeks before his 1st birthday.
Now, Tyler is 2 and a half. He is a completely normal child, walking, talking, and going through the classic "terrible twos" He is a hero in his family's eyes, proving that nothing is impossible, and to never give up hope, not even for a second. William and Tyler are incredibly close, even thought William is still too young at 5 to understand what happened that night.
As for Robert, he was sentenced to 9 years for his crime, based on the fact that he did take full blame and was sincerely sorry for what he had done. Tristin struggles to this day with her emotions over him, preferring to stay far away from all men in general. The only important males in her life are her heart and soul, William and Tyler Wade.
This family was blessed by coming out the other side still standing, stronger than ever. But Tristin doesn't take any of this for granted, knowing full well the outcome of similar stories, the unbearable heartache and suffering of families everywhere. She is grateful everyday for her miracle baby, her little warrior, her amazing SBS survivor, Tyler Wade Gruhler