5 years from your passing..

I don't tend to say too much this 36 hour time period because the void that is forever present in my heart remains, and the wound remains open and fresh.. Sometimes I feel I should be positive, and give hope, but today I do not come to you with any of the such. There is nothing worse than loosing your child to murder. Though the situations surrounding could worsen, as I could not have the support that I have beside me.. My mind never wanders far from the day that Madi passed nor the moments or months prior, that include so many feelings... and the memories are forever in my heart..

This is a blog of inspiration, so I feel I must say this. If forgiveness of whom hurt your child or loved one is a burden on your heart and a weight on your shoulders that you can no longer bear, bring the one above in and allow him to handle your heart.

Often times I wish there was much more I could say or bring forth to comfort those in their time of need. It is in a helpless state that I may find the right words, and other times shield my pain by offering a smile to a complete stranger.

For the past 5 years I have learned to "deal" with the fact that Madilyne is gone, and gone forever. I have learned that you never move past the loss of a child, that you only learn how to cope with the grief on a daily basis. It is because of her that I have learned to grow beyond anything I could have ever imagined, and it because of her that I have been blessed with the comfort and love of all of you.

Everyday is a great struggle to keep going, but I have my faith in my heart, and the support of all of you to keep me walking down this path of healing. So on this day I want to say thank you..

On April 14th 2005, Madilyne was pronounced brain dead at exactly 9:50am.. I asked if the doctors were to unhook her from the machines, they would do so and hand her immediately to me.. If she was to take a flight home, I wanted to be as close as I could in that moment to comfort her that I would NEVER let go..

Heres to Madilyne, a little girl that brought so much love and joy into so many lives, and as her legacy lives in, the awareness she brings forth to those in trying times..

All my love to all.
Rachel