Mother's Day

Mommy’s Day
Last week, I attended one of the mandated trainings required to keep Riley’s Medicaid waiver active. I chose the “Stress Management for Parents of Children with Special Needs” workshop, for obvious reasons. I frequently blog about all of the hoops that I, as the parent of an SBS survivor, go through to get my daughter everything that she deserves to work on her recovery. Although I dreaded attending the workshop (it was just another thing I HAD to do and try to fit into my hectic schedule), I have to admit that I gained a lot from the experience, and find it appropriate to blog about it on this Mother’s Day weekend…
There was a mixture of parents at the workshop, mostly mothers (1 father) whose children had a wide range of disabilities. Some were common with Autistic children, or those on the spectrum. I, of course, was the only one with an SBS survivor. Our first act in the workshop was a roundtable introduction, where we talked about our family and the child that brought us to the workshop…I, inadvertently, was seated at the end of the circle. Parents told tales of their children, the dynamics of the household, and the stresses they face. Upon my turn, I described my family make-up, and then went on to tell only a portion of Riley’s story…that I had a perfectly healthy 2-year-old daughter who was violently shaken by her day care provider, and family friend, and that she was now left with a traumatic brain injury and multiple disabilities. Jaws dropped, sighs of shock, and looks of sadness and sympathy followed…
This is the common reaction I face when sharing Riley’s story. And being the person that I am, I often find myself comforting those who hear her story, telling them that it is OK, that Riley is still here with us, against the odds, and has made so much progress. I will quote all of the inspirational sayings, “Everything happens for a reason”, “God doesn’t give us more then we can handle”, etc. to make them feel better. I will note all of the “positives”…that she has made me a better person, that I no longer take things for granted, that I now feel like I have a true purpose in life. Truth is, it is not OK…none of this is OK. SBS is 100% preventable, and this never should have happened to my daughter, or to anyone else’s child!!! Am I happy that Riley is still here??? Absolutely!!! I cherish every single day with my little girl, and every single accomplishment…
To be honest, I have, very privately, been an emotional wreck lately. On the outside, I go about my day, doing what needs to be done with a smile on my face. But I’ve had many moments of sadness lately…maybe it is the time of year (reminders of the assault and trial), maybe it is not being able to attend the vigil, maybe it is the influx of SBS stories, maybe it is the fact that we are facing a change in Riley’s schooling for next year…I don’t know. Maybe I am finally letting myself have these feelings…I have spent so long staying busy as to avoid the hurt, anger, fear, guilt and frustration...and I have been dealing with everyone else’s feelings…maybe it is time to deal with my own…
My goal for this Mother’s Day is to, selfishly, take time for me. I will have no obligations. My only plans will include being with my husband and children, but no agendas. I urge all of the mothers reading this, especially those affected directly by SBS, to do the same. We do so much for our children, for our families, for the cause, for each other…a little “me” time is well deserved!!!
Much love to all of the beautiful Mothers out there, especially the SBS Angel and Survivor Mommies… I wish you all a wonderful Mother’s Day!!!
- Lisa