Addictions~
Somebody told me that the first bad habit I picked up would be the hardest to quit- I guess it was always in the back of my mind...
Fortunately I never dealt with substance abuse such as drugs and alcohol or most types of destructive behavior. Part of this was because I was still a soldier and was subject to random drug testing, but mostly because it took all the energy I had to drag myself to work everyday. Once I finally got home it took an act of Congress to drag me off my couch.
I know everyone deals with their grief differently. Possibly my military training and my strong support network helped me avoid some fo the most dangerous abuses.
My addiction was smoking cigarettes.. That was my comfort.. That's what eased the pain. I smoked prior to becoming pregnant with Nicolette but quit the day I learned I was pregnant. During those first days while Nicolette was at Children's Hospital I craved a cigarette and my addiction began..
Oh how I loved to smoke my cigarettes..They got me through the day and it would take at least a pack. Sometimes 2 get me through those sad times.
Thankfully when I got pregnant with my son I was able to kick this habit.. I had a reason to move past that. It's not always easy. In fact just a few weeks ago, as Nicolette's birthday neared, I craved cigarettes. I was able to resist,but the craving was there-tempting me with its ability to ease my pain.
I do feel blessed that I never experienced the major destructive behaviors after my loss. I totally understand how easy it would have been to numb my pain with drugs or alcohol or any other behaviors. I could never say somebody is wrong for any activity they participate in to ease their pain. I must say though that I do believe that With faith in God you can overcome Anything!! If God takes you to it, He'll get you through it..
-Mandy
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