My life had been turned upside down. Not only had my son barely survived, it was my ex husband that tried to kill my son. He was arrested the second day Kyle was in the hospital. After the shock wore off, in ways I wish I would have seen him. I wish I could have hurt him, hurt him like he did Kyle. The first week while Kyle was in a coma, was really when I was at my lowest and at my point of “not functioning”. My mom and dad took off of work, and stayed with me the whole time. I’m still not sure how I made it thru that first week. Mom and Dad pretty much helped me thru that first week. Insisting I try and drink fluid, and try to get at least some sort of food down, and to get some rest. God bless my parents, I don’t know what I would have done without them.
My mother is a very strong women. Very strong on the outside, but deep inside gooey. But when it comes to having to take care of things, she just does. This is one of many things I got from her. I had the first week where I was just a basket case, and then the day before Kyle was released, I was doing much better, and my mom broke down. I just “switched gears” into the caretaker role. And that is what you do as a mom. You just do!
Its hard to explain I suppose. I knew that when Kyle was ready to come home… I was it. I was his only parent now in my mind. The child abuser, would never NEVER get near him again.
Before Kyle was released from the hospital, I asked my parents to go back to my home, and pack everything we would need for me and Kyle for a few days. I couldn’t go back into that house, not yet. I didn’t ever want to go in there again. This was where Kyle was assaulted and nearly killed.
Kyle and I stayed with my parents after that for awhile. Without the love and support of my mother and father, I don’t know how well we would have been. It was 2 weeks before Kyle’s first Christmas that we came home. It was very very hard. I did cry a lot, I had nightmares every night. It was a couple of weeks before I could really keep good down and get sleep. I had to take medication to try and get some sleep from the doctor for awhile, the nightmares were horrible. I leaned on some friends and my family, and just did what I had to do to function.
My focus was on my son, and him getting better. We had lots of therapy, occupational, physical, and multiple therapy sessions at Mary Bridge Children’s Hospital.
I just had to tell myself… you cant break down, you have to stay strong for your little man, cause I am all he has. And I will love and protect him until the day I die. I was a loving, cuddling, kissy mommy… and I became 100% more from then on.
Even today… when times are tough, I tell myself that I have to stay strong for him. And Im still that loving, cuddling, kissy mommy, and he is 10 :)
-Tara
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