When I lost my little girl there was nothing I wanted more than to just hold her and love her and just have one more minute with her. Every time I would see another mother with their new baby I couldn’t help but be sad. I knew that this was an emotion that I would need to overcome because if I continued to be like this it would turn me into a bitter person and I refused. I tried just pretending like everything was okay when I was around babies and that didn’t work.. At the end of the day I would go home and just cry. I tried avoiding babies at all costs. Not fair to me or them. Then one day I decided that I was going to visit another family whose child was born that morning. I traveled to the hospital with all the fear in the world that seeing the baby in a hospital would just break my heart. I turned on the song “Jesus Take the Wheel” and drove to the hospital. I walked up there went to the room walked in the door. Then boom.. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on that baby. It felt like God was leading to that moment in that room to heal me and comfort me. I held that little boy for a really long time. I am sure I wore out my visit and that they wanted their baby back, but they understood. I was perfectly comfortable being around that little guy from that moment on.
To this day the only way I am able to really feel comfortable around a baby the same age and younger than my daughter was is if I go to the hospital and hold the baby when they first arrive into the world. I think that this my way of coping with the emotions that I feel when I see a mother holding her new baby.
-Mandy
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