Fathom the moments after tragedy strike..

Happy Labor Day to all! Hope your weekend has been safe and happy! Today marks the first day of blogging for us as Mandy is going to take the seat. I would like to say that in all of our blogs, it is sharing of our own experiences to help others. Thank you for your support!

-Rachel

Fathoming the moments after tragedy strike...


I distinctly remember when I found out that something was seriously wrong with Nicolette. After an awful afternoon of Nicolette not feeling well and not wanting to eat I took our little girl to the hospital. They immediately began doing blood work and did a CAT scan. I remember sitting back in the CAT scan room all alone with my little girl. We were at a small town hospital so there weren’t many people there. They left Nicolette and me alone for what seemed like forever while they completed the diagnostics on the CAT scan. When I saw my step-dad and the police in the emergency room waiting area I knew something was terribly wrong. My mom worked at this hospital and I knew all the nurses and the E.R. doctor on call that night and no one would tell me what was happening. Then finally the charge nurse came in and broke the news to me and told me about the bleeding in Nicolette’s brain and that they were transporting my baby to Children’s Hospital in Denver. The world began spinning in all directions … how, how could this have happened? I remember asking the E.R. doctor if she would be okay and he tried to reassure me but, he didn’t say she would be okay.

The next thing I knew the woman from the Department of Human Services began questioning me. Like all this wasn’t enough, here was this woman asking me if I hurt my baby. That’s when I realized that my ex-husband had done something – but I didn’t know what. I knew the police had him in another room questioning him … and I knew in my heart he was denying everything. I also knew I needed to remain calm with him, especially now, because I didn’t want him to run before we got to the bottom of this.

Nicolette was flown by flight for life to Children’s Hospital while we had to drive. I really don’t remember much of that drive, but I was later told that I was really losing it. I was apparently in shock and my family had to snap me back into reality by telling me I had to be strong for Nikki because she was going to need me once we got to the hospital.

After many horrifying hours of wondering how my baby girl was, what was going on with her, what caused this, as well as dealing with police investigators, I finally was able to see my baby girl. She was on life support and a lot of other machines. I didn’t cry … I was numb … but I went right to her side and held her helpless little hand. My entire focus was on her … I just wanted to be near her. I remember at one point my ex-husband was in the room and telling him if he did this to my baby he better go tell the investigators … that was the last thing I ever said to him. He left the room and confessed shortly after.

Nearly 24 hours after taking Nicolette to the ER, a detective sat me down alone and told me what my ex husband confessed to them. I just know that my heart stopped beating then. All I could do was cry while she just continued to go on and on telling me the all the horrible things he did to my little girl. That monster tortured my baby. I just wanted to kill him and I honestly think that if I was given the opportunity at that time to do it I would have. I asked the detective to ask my family to come in and tell my family what he did, because I couldn’t move. After she told them I remember asking my step dad to find him and kill him. Unfortunately the police escorted him out of the hospital while the detective was talking to us. I cried and cried and just could not believe what was happening. My family sat there with me in tears. Finally my mom said okay now we know let’s get back to Nikki.

My focus immediately became just making sure my little girl wasn’t in pain and that the hospital staff was doing everything they could to help her. I didn’t want to think about what this monster did to my little girl. All I cared about was getting her better. Even though it wasn’t easy to not think about it especially when I would see the news on and have to hear about it over and over. The media ate the story alive because he was an Iraq War Veteran.

I was on an emotional roller coaster. Every emotion that exists I felt …Hope, fear, faith, love, anger, hate, hurt, pain, comfort. My world just kept spinning out of control and I didnt have the power to stop it.

-Mandy